noong sabado, sumakay ako ng dyip papuntang mall. sa dyip, kapansin-pansin ang tatlong babaeng nakaupo sa likod ng mamang drayber. noong una, hindi ko lang sila pinapansin (minsan kasi nag-iingay din kami sa dyip) dahil ano naman nga ang paki ko sa kanila. pero dahil sa lakas ng kanilang mga boses at sa paksa na rin ng kanilang usapan nagsimula na akong mairita.

pahapyaw kong tinitignan ang mga reaksyon ng mga tao sa loob ng dyip. lahat sila tahimik lang at mukang nakikinig na rin. maaring yung iba ay natutuwa sa pag-uusap nila ngunit kapansin-pansin din ang pagkairita ng karamihan lalo na yung magjowa na nasa tabi ko.

tama ba naman kasi na pag-usapan nila at ipagkalandakan ang kanilang mga crushes at mga relasyon sa mga lalake at (take note) mga babae. yung isa, cross-dresser at halatang "tibo" (tama ba yung term ko?) dahil nakapolo ng itim, yung isa naman, maganda at tsinita pa kaso konyo ang tono ng pananalita at yung isa mukang wala lang reaksyon pero kasama pa rin sa usapan.

"yung isa kong ex dati," sabi nung tsinita.

"linawin mo, boy ba yan o girl," sabi naman nung nakaitim.

"boy, boy ito."

huwaaattt??? sa ganda niyang yun "bi" din siya? hindi ko lang malaman kung bakit hindi man lang nila maitago ang kanilang mga kalaswaan at kailangan pa talagang pag-usapan sa isang pampublikong lugar.

may mga pagkakataon na hindi na naririnig nung drayber kung saan bababa o kung may pumaparang pasahero dahil sa lakas ng boses ng mga nasa likuran niya; yan ang dumagdag pa sa inis ko.

ang wish ko na lang ay sana bumaba na sila, pero it turned out na pareho pala kami ng pupuntahan hanggang sa dumating na sa malapit sa mall at kaming apat na lang ang laman ng dyip. hay.

i have really nothing against them lalo na nga at hindi ko sila kilala. let's say, karapatan nilang magsalita at sabihin ang lahat ng gusto nilang sabihin o karapatan nila sa maramdaman ang ganun sa parehong kasarian (kung ganun nga talaga) pero sana naging mas sensitibo naman sila sa mga taong nasa paligid nila. sa tingin ko kasi isang napakapribadong paksa ang pinag-usapan nila at lalo na at hindi naman sila mga artista para magpress release; o kung mag-uusap man sila sa mga sensitibong bagay, pwede bang pakihinaan naman ang kanilang boses at nang di makaabala sa publiko?

haler! ikaw ba gusto mong pag-usapan at ikwento ang buhay mo sa loob ng dyip? kung gusto nila, sana sumulat na lang sila kay ate charing sa malala na kaya.

• It's almost 9 p.m. and I am still in the office writing articles for the SD's Special Issue pretending that we could finish everything tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is our supposed deadline, AS IF! So what now, are we not going to get our "incentives."
• Volunteerism (bo-lun-te-ri-sim). This is the Special Issue's topic and this is my life. Part-timer pero marami pa ring trabaho, wala nga lang bayad.
• I want to go home now and do some other things at home. Work again and again and again. Kailangang kumayod para may pantustos sa Pasko at Bagong Taon. Sana marami pang take home articles!
• I realized I have not been writing in my journal. Maswerte na kung may dalawang entry sa isang buwan.
• I have not been updating my blogs, too. There are so many entries I want to write but they are just written on air.
• Our Personnel Department asked me to process my Exit Clearance. Well, pwede nang tuluyang umalis pagkatapos kong mapapirmahan lahat. AS IF ulit!
• I am planning to get an exercise at least three times a week. Mahirap bumangon sa umaga e.
• A Brazilian colleague and friend just left for Hawaii and back to the US. Grabe yun magshopping, kung barat ako, mas barat siya. Hahaha.
• Malapit na ang uwian!
• I am currently listening to Season's of Love by Rent. How do you measure a year? 525,600 minutes!
• Patience is a virtue! I am still not able to withdraw my money from Paypal. Unionbank requires a lot of patience. My payments from devozine are still not credited to my account. Where's my 13th month pay?
  

"If you can't fly, run; if you can't run, walk; if you can't walk, crawl. But by all means, keep moving."
— Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am currently dragging myself now. One project after the other. One activity after the other. Stoping nor leaving the post is not an option. By God's grace... yes, by God's grace, I need to keep moving.

It was the first time (I think) that I watched a movie on its opening day. Well, it was a great relief from a stressful work of the day. I am talking about the movie No Reservations that starred charming Catherine Zeta-Jones and good actor Aaron Eckhart. I am no movie fanatic but definitely I know how to watch movie more than enjoying it.

Though it is rare to find your special someone in a restaurant's kitchen, it's not impossible. Movies, one way or the other and I want to believe it, reflects the events of reality. How romantic it could be, if it happened in real life, isn't it? No one reserved the kitchen for the both of them but they met and a love started to sparked.

I am not getting married so soon, it could still be years from now; but I just imagined how the wedding of the couple in No Reservations could have been. It's the visionary in me talking. They might have had the best wedding favors and flavors. They might have prepared their own menus and tasted the celebration dishes. The character of Zeta-Jones would have been very detailed in choosing her wedding favors from her gown, shoes, place of wedding to the visitors and dishes to be served. I imagine her giving the final instructions to the caterer while in her wedding gown and her make-up artist chasing her. However then, the movie did not reach that kind of plot.

Going back to the movie plot, I agree that the main characters might have been good cooks (if it happened in real life) but it wasn't all the cooking that brought them together. It is also highlighted in the movie the professional conflict of the two in getting and retaining the position of being the restaurant's chef. Moreover, Eckharts involvement in the life of Jones and her niece is also emphasized. He became instrumental in bringing closer relationship between the aunt and the child.

In my observation, the movie seemed to be cut short because of time limitation. Many of the characters' personality were not explored. I can't connect the metaphor of Jones' colleague who gave birth and suddenly went out of the scene. Jones' niece, on the other hand, should have been highlighted more. I believe she is a very good child actress if only given more importance in the plot. What I do not like most is its predictable ending.

More or less, the movie is good and I enjoyed it. I have related my own character with that of Jones' character. I give it three out of five stars.

For the cooking part, I suppose food has been one of the measures of compatibility between partners. As the saying goes (correct me if I am wrong), the best way to a woman's heart is through her stomach. For the boys, cook good food! Before planning for your wedding favors, you must already be sure that the one you are going to marry is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life (hmmmm cheesy).

I can't remember attending any Halloween party. I also do not have any experience wearing any sexy halloween costumes or that pumpkin costume most children wear. I might look wacky in those dresses but I really want those pumpkins, they're funny!

Halloween is the shortened version All-hallow-even. The celebration on the eve of All Saint's Day started as a Pagan festival in Ireland and Great Britain. So since I am not planning to go to any party or festivities this coming long weekend (November 1-4), I think, I would just stay home with my coffee and do a lot of things.

Forget those sexy halloween costumes, I would be more comfortable with my pyjamas. I might just stay home with my books, watch movies and a supply of overflowing coffee. Then that's the Halloween I am looking forward to.

I can't remember now when did I start taking coffee. I just remember during my childhood, I always sip from my grandfather's mug; and I used to make my father's coffee. My drinking of coffee in large amounts really started during my college years. The caffeine content of coffee became beneficial to me especially when I needed to stay really late at night to finish my rush projects. Coffee became my night life.

What I was thankful about was my apartment was just a ride away from the university. So even if I stay up late and wake up a little later than usual I can still make it to my 7:00 am class. I did not have any difficulty in finding student housing because I lived with some relatives. Even if not, student housing might not have really been a problem since there are numerous dormitories and boarding houses around the university.

So I lived just around my university. Now, where's my coffee? It's here and I am about to finish my third mug for today. I know I am addicted to it but there are more people out there who drink coffee like their water.

I don't know if I have ever survived college without coffee. Energy drinks have lesser effects. I still have here my green big cup, as large as a regular Japanese bowl. That cup can be filled twice with black coffee during examination nights. Many times I have stayed awake 24 hours or more. Coffee was my best buddy!

Though my housing as a student was not that conducive for study especially during the day, coffee made it best. Imagine sipping and savoring the aroma of your hot black coffee in the middle of the night, isn't that invigorating? I have finished many term papers, edited videos, read novels and other reading requirements with the company of a cup of coffee. Coffee runs through my blood.

A cup of coffee is a portion of my life.

not until yesterday...

I also did not see this coming to me and to my leadership. I know my move to resign my post from an ecumenical activity when it is already fast approaching is a sign of "irresponcibility." Well, call it that way or anything you wish but I can't force myself to work at the moment. I believe I have already done what I can do and what I am supposed to do but things did not work out the way I hoped. I was already hurting myself and other people and I hate that idea.

I am not a cry baby but at this point, I cried, twice. I can't believe it myself. It was the first time I cried over an activity or tasks on my hand because I am not able to handle them anymore. I shouted at people. I even cursed. I already reached my limitation and I have nowhere to go other than to step down. Now I realize, it is really difficult to recover from burnout. I forced myself to work to the best of my abilities but my strength is over.

Kuya Mighty, I am sorry the situation reached this far. I already told you last week but you did not take it seriously. Perhaps you doubted that I can do that. We have worked together for so long and it is perhaps the first time you saw me crying and quitting. I know I have disappointed you so much but please don't try to bargain with me now. I wasn't impulsive. More than the administrative issues, it's personal. I am hoping that at least you understand my point in doing so.

Ate Chikai, thank you for your kindness. I know you are working so hard for this activity and I acknowledge all your effort to help me. I just can't take this now. I am praying that you will not be tired in doing the work. I am not expecting that you will defend me but thank you for your kind thoughts. I will be resting for a while. Besides, we can still work together in many endeavor.

Kuya Eufer, thank you for being there. Thank you for being brother to me at this point. I know I have remained strong over time and never cried but thank you for your shoulder when you saw my tears fall. I hope you are not disappointed but rather will help the people in my team to cover up my shortcomings. Don't worry I won't forget to feed your fishes while you are away.

Jonathan, I know I am not a supergirl. Sorry that you are also disappointed with my move. I am aware that I have given too much time for this and I must not quit. Though, I am thankful that you are there.

I will not make any promise but I will again try to get up and recover. I hope this won't happen again. I know there are a lot of work to be done and I will pursue. You know how I work.

...it's the rice stubs.

I am officially a part-time employee now. My officemates did not know it until yesterday. Blame it to the free rice stubs.

One of my officemates went to the Personnel Department to get the free rice stubs for the month. While he was counting and verifying the stubs, he noticed that my name wasn't there. He asked why and the personnel said I am already resigned and works as a part-time employee. (Surprised?)

Pretending not to know what they were telling, I was actually shocked and teary (can't explain the feeling) when three YM windows popped up in my desktop — all from surprised people. To all of you, I apologize for not telling you in advance. I know my decision was really suprising; I just hope that it won't affect our work and working relationships.

I intended not to announce my resignation because I was afraid to answer questions, which may affect my decision. I wasn't sure if the company would grant my request (make that as an offer) to stay but work part-time. My first decision was to totally leave and look for another job. I have declined so many interview invitations because I wasn't sure what way to take. As a result, it seems that the best choice for now is to stay with the company and the people I considered not only colleagues but friends, as well. I just hated the idea of comprimising my work because of my absenses in doing ministry stuffs. Also, I think I have already exhausted all the possible reasons for my VL/SL notifications. I hate lying, you know? Besides, I still love to write for the magazines.

To give more time for my ministry — that's the reason why I deceided to work part-time (is it the only reason?). Though I have more reasons in my head, I know this step will somehow give justice to the plans I was not able to carry out because of my job.

Now back to the rice stub. Since I am no longer entitled to free cup of rice, I will again pay P5 for every cup from our refectory (a.k.a canteen).

For now, I just want to enjoy what I am curretly doing — DREAMING. The road is so uncertain ahead but what can I do now, I am already taking it. There's no turning back. This is my decision and I am willing to face the consequences. This is a part of my dream, part of my journey!

I am praying for the the person in the other room and the other in the corner who, like me, are taking new steps in their lives. This is a new challenge for all of us. As long as we love what we are doing, we can persevere. We're almost there!